What Say You Now, Sarah Baby??

The Gulf of Mexico is being smothered.

So far, no one can stop the carnage.

Where are all you

DRILL-BABY-DRILL pinheads  now?

Dark Horse Contender in Supe's Race to Debate Leonard

An unexpected latecomer to the Eureka Board of Supervisor's race took voters, wannabees, and the incumbent by surprise in Old Town last night, stepping into the electoral fray right along with Neely, Bass, and Leonard.

Jeff Leonard in particular was so taken by the straightforward mien of his new opponent, he enthusiastically approached their camp with a heartfelt offer of a public debate.* More on that as it develops. Campaign information on the new candidate, FU-90210, available here:

  

Stick with Humboldt Hash and Rehash for coverage of the Leonard / FU smackdown!

*NO REALLY, HE DID.

Don't Get Screwed

A few months ago my little old Mazda started making noise. At first it was kind of cool, sort of like a Porche. But over time it was more like a 1973 Impala with a rotten muffler.

So, I took my car into a local muffler franchise. They ordered a new resonator--who knew there was such an electronic-music-sounding part on my car?--and got it installed in a couple of hours.

When I started the car it was wonderfully quiet. When I pulled onto the street it became clear that my formerly silky-smooth transmission was way balky. Balky, as in, I'll have to build up a bicep like Tina Turner to be able to move my stick shift without breaking a sweat.

Back at the office I call said muffler place. Why, I ask, should working on the exhaust system tweak the transmission?

The--oh, let's call him a service technician--who worked on my car was also puzzled.

"Huh. No, the transmission shouldn't be affected at all. Oh! Hehehehehe. Hehe...oh yeah, I know what it is.Hehehe." He explained the problem.

I took the car back down, he fixed it, and I asked him to write it up. You know...just in case. Here's what he documented (verbatim):

Service Requests:
a block of wood to saport the exhaust while
working on veh. was left in and made the car
harder to shift gears. customer came back and
block was removed.

That's right. He left a block of wood in my car.

A Gentle Reality Check

There are things one cannot disguise about oneself. For instance, I have a massive (though luscious) bottom. I wear a lot of full skirts and A-line dresses. This is not to hide my extremely womanly backside--that would be impossible--but to incorporate my personal physical reality in a relatively pleasing fashion.

Here’s another body trait that is almost impossible to disguise:

You know who that is in the picture, don't you? Sure you do. And you know what that head really looks like under all that long...stuff blowing around The Donald's head .

I like to watch the Eureka City Council meetings on public access TV. There is a particular person who gets plenty of camera time who REALLY NEEDS someone close to him to give him a clue: The loooong, stringy hair that trails down his forehead does not fool us. We see his hair is thin. We know that the smooth area underneath is his scalp. There are three words for the straggly wisp hairdo: IT LOOKS BAD.

It looks bad like me in lycra bike shorts. There. I said it. And if I were in the habit of wearing lycra bike shorts, I would hope some kind person would clue me in that IT LOOKS BAD.

Ain't none of us look as cute as we did at 18. The trick is to love what you have left.

The Supes are Safe

I had to stop by the Board of Supe's meeting this morning in case they wanted a word from a representative of the nonprofit I work for. (Ouch, that sentence hurts my English major's soul, but hey, it's colloquial.) I didn't realize that our courthouse now runs a security gauntlet and unfortunately had a nice little pocket knife in my bag. Emphasis on the word LITTLE, as in 2" blade plus corkscrew.

I didn't have time to take the knife back to my car. I asked the officer, oh so nicely, if they could possibly hold on to it for me, that I'd only be in the supe's chambers for 10 or 15 minutes. There were three security officers--the one doing her duty with me and two others chatting. It wasn't exactly O'Hare airport, if you get my drift.

"We can't do that, ma'am."

Sigh...of course not. Because those overworked security folks can't be held responsible to watch over the TONS of confiscated weapons they no doubt garnered this morning.

I wanted to whisper that if she'd just slip the tiny little knife in the pocket of her olive drab britches, I'd tip her a fin or let her hold my driver's license. But she didn't look like she had much of a sense of humor. Or the ability to think around corners.

Hey, I won't argue with you: Security is good. Then again, so is critical thinking. I'm just glad I didn't get busted for my underwire bra.

Larry, Curly, and Moe? Groucho, Harpo, and Zeppo?

Whatever side of the Balloon Track controversy one falls on, surely we expect our elected city officials to read documents upon which they will be expected to vote. At the October 27 city council meeting, when it came time to vote on whether to approve the environmental impact report on the massively polluted tract, Frank was a bit wiggy on the whether he actually needed to read the admittedly dense document.

"I’d like to make a motion without being tasked with reading the whole thing.” Well, sure.

This was after Mike Jones asked for clarification about...what, exactly they were voting on? Tonight? Um?

Jeff Leonard rounded out this trio of informed brilliance by taking a moment to express that this EIR is a jewel compared to the many, many EIRs he has read in his long, long life. Oh, and as a postscript, please please don't sue us until we do what we want. Please

Boys, I for one would really like encourage you to do as much homework as is necessary to do your jobs, without making excuses or waxing lyrical .

Yes, Frank, I task thee.

(photos shamelessly lifted from the Humboldt Herald, Northcoast Journal, and Humboldt Sentinel)

Haunting Memoir

Sarah Palin's book is ready to debut, ghost written by Lynn Vincent, editor of the evangelical mag, WORLD. Geoffrey Dunn makes some excellent points on the Huffington Post about Palin's notorious inability to communicate coherently.

Attributing this 400 page load of moose manure to Palin is just more of the woman's shuck and jive. In May she said to the AP: "There's been so much written about and spoken about in the mainstream media and in the anonymous blogosphere world, that this will be a wonderful, refreshing chance for me to get to tell my story, that a lot of people have asked about, unfiltered" [emphasis mine].

Ghostwriter = unfiltered. Tell us, Sarah, what do you think about the Bush Doctrine?

For this--slapping her name on a book someone else wrote--she threw over her responsiblities as governor of Alaska. I'd bet an elk pot pie she'll never convince a majority of voters again, for anything.